yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
