Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
