Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
