A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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