just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
