May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
