I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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