new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
