John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
