She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
