I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
