you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
50% drunk capacity currently
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
