Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
