I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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