so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
