Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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