Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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