Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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