Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
