I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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