He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
