I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
