Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
