Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
