what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
