who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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