i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The adults are the big ones right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
