we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
