I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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