Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
