sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
