I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
