$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
someone owes me an orgasm
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
