So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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