Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
