i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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