my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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