Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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