Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
