Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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