Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
