bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
