My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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