I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
