I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
