I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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