Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
