Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
