I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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