I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
