; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
