I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
