I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
