He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
