I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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